My daughter recently got me to start watching a Netflix show called The Good Place, which is actually about a bunch of people that go to the Bad Place when they die and are judged on their transgressions. However, what gets them to the Bad Place is not really bad stuff like killing people or stealing, it’s the little stuff. The stuff like ignoring people when they need help, not doing nice things for the right reasons, or driving people around you crazy with your indecision, are what ultimately dooms these people to the Bad Place. (P.S. if there’s more to the show, no spoilers, I’m just illustrating a point.) So, I thought it would be beneficial to my personal growth to talk through all the little things that may send me to the Bad Place someday or maybe, just maybe, I’m not so different than everyone else…
So, here goes…
1. I don’t call my mother. Or my father. Or any of my aunts or cousins or anyone else who I’m supposed to be keeping in touch with. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to these people, just mostly when they call me or we get together for family gatherings, etc. I am the WORST about calling people.
2. I don’t send thank you cards. I mean, sometimes I do, like for big occasions like a wedding or baby shower (I think I mailed those…). Occasionally I’ll make a thank you phone call (see # 1), text or email; but this is the exception, not the norm.
3. I don’t like to get up early. I know this is when grown-ups are supposed to do all their stuff before the rest of the world wakes up, but I hate doing that. I would rather lay in bed until I’ve snoozed my alarm 45 times and it is 3 minutes past the latest possible time I can get up and still make it to work on time. Which leads to #4.
4. I am always late. Everywhere I go and everything I do, I am late. I feel I am physically incapable of leaving with enough time to get somewhere on time. Or rather, I leave at the time when, if all traffic parted the way for me, I made every light, and made the trip 3 minutes faster than I’ve ever driven it, I might get there on time.
5. I self medicate. This is term for when you use substances to forget your problems instead of dealing with your issues or seeing a medical professional about them. This sounds bad, I know, but really it just means that I drink alcohol and well, do…other things when I’m stressed; which is mostly all the time. Welcome to adulthood
6. I’m super lazy. I am not one of those people who knocks out 3 projects every weekend or won’t go to bed until the dishes are done. Nope. I’ve left an entire spaghetti dinner sitting on the stove for multiple days before washing the pots out! I would just rather sit and relax…which, as a mom, is not often.
7. I procrastinate like a professional. I wait until literally the last possible moment to gets started on any task. If there was an award for procrastinating, I would win it, but never get around to picking it up.
I’m sure I could go on, but just a couple of these things is enough to solicit “tsk, tsk’s” from your mother and disappointed head shaking from your boss.
On the flip side, I also meditate, do yoga, play make believe with my kids, provide the primary income in my family, have a great relationship with my husband, don’t appear to have mentally devastated anyone close to me and haven’t taken us into to bankruptcy even once.
I’m quite sure there is a special place in hell for people like me with all my tardiness and inconsideration.
But until then, I will try to ignore my raging guilt and maybe, just maybe, try to do a little better at these things when I can…